Muffin in Denver
F.A.Q.
Q: What's the best way to contact you?
A: Telephone is probably the best way to contact me - it can take me a while to review email. I also can go for a few days without checking my email (not always, but sometimes). I do have some suggestions for contacting me:
If you only leave your number when you call, I will not return the call. You need to leave at least a first name. I will not play the "somebody from this number asked me to call" game and explain who I am and why I'm returning the call.
You can leave a voice mail . I would appreciate your name & phone number & the best times to reach you.
If you call me after about 9:30PM, you probably won't hear back from me until sometime later the next morning, unless I'm advertising availability later than that. I sometimes will see my established clients after 11PM with an appointment made earlier in the day, but calling me at 3AM won't get you very far.
I don't answer calls from blocked numbers. You can leave a number for me to return your call or call me again with a *82
Please, NO TEXT MESSAGES
You can reach me by email or IM, but I'm frequently away from the computer and it may take me a while to respond to you that way.
I will need to speak to you directly at some point in the appointment making process
My contact information is listed at the top of every page of my site
Do your homework before you call me - if you want to see me, check out my site. I'm going to redirect you here anyway . . .
There are some additional suggestions at the bottom of this page
Q: Where can I find your rates?
A: Go to the pages under the BUSINESS link above
Q: Why won't you answer questions about your rates or services on the phone?
A: Because accessing this information is easily available on my site (don't you think?). By looking at my site, I know you've done your homework and have an actual interest in seeing me, not just calling some number with a picture. Besides, when I start answering these questions on the phone, it inevitably leads to me being asked a bunch of inappropriate questions, which was one of the main reasons for putting all this information online in the first place. Honestly, how hard is it to find internet access these days? Don't give me the story about your work screening out sites like mine - go to Starbucks or even Kinko's, for cryin' out loud!
Q: Why do you want to know so much personal information about me for your screening?
A: It's sad that I have to answer this question. For my safety and protection! I don't think it's unreasonable to have a way of verifying who you are if I'm going to trust you enough to spend time with you alone. When someone tells me they don't want me to have their name or any other identifying information, what I hear is, "I'm a violent, untrustworthy sociopath who intends to do you harms and leave as little evidence as possible." So, yes, it is a lot of information, but it's for a reason. I value my discretion as much as I do yours. I do not retain this information after our appointment.
Q: Do you offer FRENCH/RUSSIAN/GREEK-only sessions? Are you Full Service? GFE/HME?
A: The problem here is with the question - it implies an exchange of money for sexual services, which, as we all know, would be illegal and an offer of prostitution. That would be bad. Confused? Go to my Education page for clarification and details - you can answer all your questions there. Well, most of your questions.
Q: What do I get for my money?
A: Again, you're implying an exchange of money for sexual services. What you get is my undivided attention, sparkling conversation, to gaze longingly into my enchanting green eyes. The best response I've heard for this question is from Jennifer the Classy Centerfold (she cracks me UP): "What goes on during our session? It's very entertaining! I juggle twelve Faberge Eggs, while balancing on one leg and whistling the theme to 'Starsky & Hutch!'"
Q: WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR mp3S AND FANTASIES? I REALLY ENJOYED THOSE!
a: I really enjoyed those too - they were fun to put together and publish! I got LOTS of compliments about them. They just didn't generate a lot of business. I recently streamlined my site, and because of that, they didn't make the cut. I can still make custom MP3s, and I might even repost my fantasies to my Yahoo Groups, if there's enough interest.
Q: IS THERE REALLY A BAD CLIENT DATABASE?
A: Of course there is! We all look out for each other, and if there's someone who behaves badly, we warn each other about it. The things we warn each other about includes:
Aggressive or violent behavior
Pushy or rude behavior
Unsafe behavior (trying not to use a condom, for instance)
Shorting financially in any way
No showing for appointments - if you make a habit of NO SHOWING, you will get listed
Q: Will you drive to Grand Junction / Aspen / Pueblo / Where The Hell Ever for a 30 minute FBSM without charging me for travel time?
A: Short answer - HELL NO!!! Long answer - I wouldn't mind traveling to see you, but there's not much point in driving 3 hours to see someone for an hour - I wouldn't be able to see anyone else that day, so I'd have to charge you for the entire day to make up for that. It would be MUCH cheaper for you to visit me here in Denver. If I'm traveling to an area and have other appointments, no problem.
Q: Do you provide companionship to men of color or different nationalities?
A: Yes, I do. I don't care about race, but I do care about being treated with respect, and clients must follow my
Terms. If you're a clean, respectful gentleman (or woman, or couple, or group), I'd be happy to see you.
Q: I don't understand some of the terms / abbreviations you use to describe your services. Where can I find a list of definitions?
A: I get a little confused with those too. Please see my
Education page at the link above for a list of several online glossaries.
Q: You mentioned being bisexual. Is that for real, or just a show for the guys?
A: I had fantasies about women long before I ever did anything. And I was playing with women before I became an escort. I think that I was a little embarrassed to admit that I was attracted to women (not as much as guys, but definitely attracted). But I do truly enjoy women. There are some ASPs I know that aren't really bisexual but do put on a show for guys. My preference is to work with other girls that are bisexual too. I was playing with women before I became an escort, and I'll be playing with women after I stop escorting.
Q: But you still like guys, right?
A: Duh! If I had to choose between playing with a penis or a clitoris, I'd choose a penis, well, almost every time. I'm not planning to get into a long term romantic relationship with a woman (not that there's anything wrong with that), but I do genuinely enjoy playing with women. Why choose to play with just one gender when you can play with both?!
Q: Do you own a strap-on?
A: Why, yes I do. 2, in fact - one is really great. It's made from from Latigo leather, so it's very soft, supple, and sturdy, with just the right size attachment. I understand that many guys enjoy that. Be sure to check out my pics page & video!! I also have a nice slim vibe with a bend at the tip that's perfect for stimulating the prostate, for those guys that are curious. I'm often told by men that having their prostate stimulated while receiving oral is a GREAT combination.
Q: I left a message on your phone or email, but you didn't call or email me back. Why?
A: Generally speaking, I will make every reasonable effort to return ALL calls in a timely manner. However, there are a few potential reasons why your call may not be returned
You didn't give me permission to call you back - I value your discretion (and don't want to explain to your wife why I'm calling)
You failed to leave your phone number - this happens more often than you'd think.
You called me in the early A.M. - If I don't know for sure it's OK to call you later that day or the next evening, I won't call back. I don't answer my phone after about 9 or 10PM
Your message cut out or was unclear when you left your telephone number. Unfortunately, with my service, this is not uncommon. To increase your chances of a return call from me, please speak clearly and state your phone number at least twice.
You didn't leave your name - I will not return a call to an unnamed person. I am very uncomfortable with dialing a number, only to say "SOMEBODY at this number called me, but I don't know who it was . . ." and then potentially have to explain who I am to whoever may have answered your phone. I'm sorry, but I just don't operate that way!
You may have used rude, offensive or inappropriate language, or made some reference to making an exchange of money for sexual services. I will not listen to or discuss details of what you want to do to me (or what you want ME to do to YOU) over the phone. If your message is extremely explicit or inappropriate, I will not return your call.
You're trying to barter for a lower rate - sorry, my rate is non-negotiable (but I do run specials)
If we have spoken previously about meeting under terms that I am uncomfortable with, and you seem unable to take NO for an answer, I may not return your call. (I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone without explanation.)
You're using AOL (don't get me started about this one - just use a free email account from Yahoo, Hotmail, or Google or others or get a REAL ISP)
Email problems - my spam filter can be a little aggressive, and sometimes emails I want get trashed. Be sure to follow up your email with a call if you haven't heard from me after a day or so
If none of the above circumstances apply, please consider the possibility that you dialed a wrong number or that I didn't receive your message for some other reason. I will never "blow off" a potential client without a reason. Please call or email again!
You called while you were drunk or high - call me back when you're not stoned or drunk, please, and keep in mind that I barely drink and I do NOT party or use any kind of drugs
You have a bad reputation with the local providers - we do warn each other if we have concerns
FREEBIES/EXCHANGE OF SERVICES
Q: I'm a professional photographer / massage therapist / web designer / What the Hell Ever - can we trade services?
A: I'm gonna have to pass, but thanks for asking. I have friends that do all the above and more, and really don't need outside assistance. Really, not a week goes by without multiple offers of this nature. And the statements that my web site sucks or my pictures suck just tag you as a rude, immature amateur.
Q: I'm traveling to Las Vegas / Reno / Disneyland / Where The Hell Ever - want to go with me if I pay your travel expenses?
A: I do enjoy traveling, but only do so as a professional arrangement. I'd be happy to discuss my rate for travel.
Q: Can we meet for drinks first, to see if there's enough of a connection to get together for a session?
A: Of course we can. Just keep in mind my RATES - I bill for my time, not for any activities. And why do I have to keep specifying these things - am I listed as a public service somewhere? And if you can't get enough of an idea about seeing me by visiting this web site, a few drinks isn't going to change your mind.
Q: If we really click, is there a chance we could get together on a "non-professional" dating basis?
A: Sorry, I'm involved in a long-term relationship with a wonderful, understanding guy. He knows about all my activities. But thank you for asking - it's very flattering. You can always try Adult Friend Finder or Match.com or even Yahoo Personals if you're looking for a real relationship.
Sexual Preferences
Q: I get that this is not an offer of prostitution, or an exchange of money for sex, and it would be
wrong to ask you to have sex with me, but I am curious about your sexual preferences. What makes you hot? Or not?
A: What I like:
Oral sex (giving) - nothing I enjoy more. This is my absolute favorite thing to do (I can - and have - done this all day and all night. A blow job is art - using hands to stroke while you're sucking & licking is cheating! Use hands ONLY to hang on and point the penis where you want it! That is, until it's THAT time, then a few good strokes to finish things off and get it all over my boobs. I get really wet when I give a blow job (or I know I'm going to).
Slow, sloppy hand jobs with an explosive finish - no wonder you guys like to masturbate. I love to stroke a well-lubed cock (or 2)
Intercourse - most positions, but doggy is my favorite, and mish and cowgirls close runner-ups
Buzzing with one of my favorite toys - I just LOVE having an explosive orgasm. Guys interested in my pleasure and playing with toys earn points. If you REALLY want to watch me MOAN, GRUNT, WRITHE, and maybe even SQUIRT, this is the way to do it!!!
Couples - the best of both worlds! I really enjoy couples. My favorite is when I'm doing French on the husband and the wife is watching and masturbating, or using my strap-on on the wife while she's doing oral on her husband, or DATY with the wife until the husband can't take it anymore and moves in behind me . . . This is kind of a specialty of mine.
2 or 3 guys at once - MMMMMMMMM , GAWD, I like that. This is a bit of a fetish for me. And it's about time for another little orgy.
Women - I'm told I'm orally talented, and do enjoy a little mutual toy time, and I get a kick out of kissing women . . . among other things
Kissing - light and deep kissing, and I appreciate good oral hygiene
Having my breasts fondled and my nipples sucked - gently but consistently (I can get really vocal that way)
Being massaged and a nice back rub
A: What I don't like:
Anything inserted or close to being inserted anally - sorry, it's exit only
Poor hygiene of any kind
I like being fingered, but use some lubricant, please, and trim and clean those nails!
Water sports
Tongues shoved in my ear (eeeeeewwwww)
Being restrained or held down (I FREAK out)
Excessive drinking or any drug use
Anything that's degrading
Q: You look so sweet and innocent - how did you wind up as an escort?
A: That's a long answer. I have some areas of my life where I'm extremely conservative, and other areas where I'm pretty liberal. As I get older, I'm more willing to admit that I have certain things that I really enjoy, and that I REALLY enjoy doing.
Q: What kind of toys do you like?
A: The answer varies from time to time - particularly if I get a new toy that I like. My favorite toy used to be a plug-in massager with the small, round tip. I've worn out several of those over the years. I have REALLY intense orgasms with that. My second favorite is a large massage wand with the big round head. It gets the clitoris and vulva at the same time. This is the one I use when I squirt! I also have a couple of bullet vibrators (a single and a double) with a remote that controls speed and pattern. I find myself using those more and more (with the double, I use one on the clit and one right at the entrance to my vagina). I also have a slender waterproof G-spot vibe that's fun in the tub and shower. It's also good for those guys who like a little prostate massage during other activities. And finally, I have a very nice strap-on with a leather harness (any of you guys out there with a strap-on fantasy? I know you're out there). My toys are always cleaned properly, and I use a condom when they're used on anyone else. Would you like to watch me masturbate? Let me know and I can bring my favorite toy.
Q: Do you use protection?
A: Absolutely, yes. I do enjoy French with and without a translator, but for any type of genital to genital contact, I expect and require my partners to use protection. I use my own condoms and do have favorite brands and styles,
and only use my own. I'm also fond of the FEMALE CONDOMS - if you've never tried one, you're missing out. I
keep hearing that some girls run out of condoms or only bring one with them -
HOW RUDE! I think it's a mark of laziness or immaturity for that to
happen. I'm acutely aware of how many I have and always make sure that I
have plenty.
Q: Do you actually orgasm?
A: Whenever possible! If you REALLY want to make me (or any woman) orgasm, learn to use a vibrator. Not that DATY and intercourse aren't great, but for consistency, use a toy. I'll show you exactly how to use it to produce grunting, moaning, screaming orgasms, again and again. Did I mention I can squirt with the proper stimulation? Another suggestion for you: if you want to learn about a woman's sexuality, watch her masturbate - either with a toy, or manually.
Q: Why don't you like Greek?
A: It's just not comfortable for me (a pain in the ass, so to speak). On top of that, there's a high rate of condom breakage with anal sex, and the risk for STD transmission is MUCH higher for anal than for any other form of intercourse. I don't even do Greek with my SO. Don't bother to ask if I do it - the answer will ALWAYS be "NO." I sometimes see women advertise "untranslated Greek" - that's also know as "the death wish," just so you know.
Q: Are you fetish friendly?
A: That depends on the fetish. I'm not into being restrained at all (but I'd be happy to tie you up), but I don't mind dressing up for you, assisting in a role play (within certain limits), or even assisting you in certain fetishes (spanking, tickling, feet, armpit, food, etc.). Let's discuss some of these things prior to meeting to make sure our interests are compatible. I do find that the guys that ask the most fetish questions are the guys LEAST likely to make an appointment, so I don't discuss these issues for long. Thec odew ordisLo veland.
HOW DO I CONTACT AN ESCORT?
Q: Is there a RIGHT WAY and a WRONG WAY to contact an escort?
A: I'm glad you asked. There seems to be a trend that has been discussed among escorts regarding the ways clients try to contact us. The main content of these discussions are things that either make it difficult for us to return calls or reluctant to see you. The suggestion is that if there was a standardized way of making contact, it would simplify things for the gals and the guys.
Here are some of the suggestions:
WHAT TO DO
If you have to leave a message, leave your name (preferably your REAL name - we're going to ask to see your ID when we meet you the first time anyway), phone number, and best time to reach you
Speak slowly and clearly - enunciate your words and give your phone number twice, and tell me the best time to call you back.
Check my web site before you call (that way you don't have to ask all the questions that are answered on my site already)
Give me at least 2 (two) hours notice before you'd like an appointment
Behave like a gentleman - speak with respect and use appropriate language
Be specific regarding when, where, and how long you'd like to meet
If possible, shower and groom prior to our appointment, and always practice good hygiene (brush your teeth, clean & trim your nails, and for goodness sake, wear clean underwear)
Check my hours of availability (always listed on my site)
Confirm our appointment by phone within 24 hours of the appointment, particularly if the appointment was made via email or Yahoo Messenger
Show me your ID when we first meet without me asking
Leave my fee out in plain sight (no envelope) and make no reference to it
If we meet at your place, clean it up, and clean the bathroom
Earn Happy Escort Points by being: PUNCTUAL, POLITE, WELL-GROOMED, GENTLE, and RECEPTIVE TO FEEDBACK
WHAT NOT TO DO
Call while you're drunk or high
Ask me if I want to PARTY with you or if I PARTY (I don't do drugs or hang out with those that do)
Slur your speech or mumble
Say your return phone number so fast I have to listen to the message three or four times to decipher it
Say, "That's expensive," when I tell you my rate, then try to haggle a better price
Ask, "What do I get for my money?" I can't think of a better way to get an escort to NOT see you
Tell me you don't want to PAY to see me - you just want to go out for dinner or drinks or your hot tub and "see how things go."
Insult me and call me names when I don't want to see you for free
State or even imply that you want to pay me for sexual acts
Use obscene language
Describe sexual acts in graphic terms
Ask if we can do those graphic sex acts when we meet
Send me a sexually explicit picture and ask, "Can we do that?"
Don't bother confirming our appointment or calling to cancel - I'll figure out that you're not going to keep your appointment within a couple of hours
Make me ask to see your ID
Ask if I want to see your gun or knife or porn collection
Ask if you can broadcast our session on your web cam (or try to secretly broadcast our session)
Have a block on anonymous calls on your phone
Tell me how bad another ASP was and ask if I can do a better job than she did
Haggle for a better price when I arrive
Tell me, "I still need to go to the ATM " after I arrive
Ask me if we "can wait a few minutes - the babysitter for the kids isn't here yet " (true story)
Ask me to go a head and pay for the room at a hotel and that you'll "be there in a few minutes"